I had to weigh in on this, I usually like to keep my blogs fairly light hearted but ffs hasn’t it been a heavy week for women. So much has gone on that has made our blood boil, made us despair, feel fed up, disappointed, angry and all we can do is share, share, share on social media.
#notallmen has been the biggest hashtag this week, which beggar’s belief and just goes to show how much men will come together when they think it is an attack on them. But what about when it is an attack on women, all day, every day, where are the men then? They are sitting there, not getting involved because they don’t believe it is them or their friends.
If men spent as much time advocating for the very basic rights of women as they do defending themselves, we might be in a better position. I do not dislike men, I like the company of men, but as I get older I realise that I don’t want to be around men that aren’t willing to listen, to understand, to educate themselves on the abuse against women by men.
Yes men get attacked but it is mainly by MEN – so when men say, ‘oh yeah but men get raped/attacked’, yes, but by WHO???? So why as a man are you still ignoring women or belittling their experience?? Have you not realised that is mainly men that are the problem?
I was catcalled at school when I was about 12 for the size of my boobs (I developed early), I’ve been wolf whistled and intimidated by men on the streets, I have been told to ‘smile love’, I have been physically attacked in a lift because I said I wasn’t interested, I’ve been touched when I didn’t asked to be, had my bum slapped, my vagina grabbed, my leg rubbed, I’ve crossed the street, walked a bit faster, ducked into a shop etc. etc. much like every other woman. IT IS NOT OKAY.
Now, on the basis of #notallmen I have had males that have looked after me, seen me safe, not taken advantage, checked I got home ok, but this is a fundamental human respect, not just a good guy mentality surely?
We really aren’t going to see a change until men start taking a stand, educate your fellow men, call them out, don’t engage in sexism/misogyny, read books or articles that give you stats and information. Yes, I appreciate that for men, it is nerve racking, that you might get called ‘a pussy’, ‘to man up’ or may get ridiculed etc. but to point out again, this vitriol is coming from MEN. Do you want these people in your life?? Also (as my work bestie said) the worst thing they have to worry about is being ridiculed, not actually being raped or murdered. I can’t tell you how many times my friends have taken the mickey out of me for the things I have said, but I have never worried one of them might actually attack me. Because I trust that they are good people!
Not all women are good either, I get that, I have been bullied by females- a lot, that is scarring, yes I could be attacked by a bunch of females but it is far less likely than being harassed/attacked/frightened by a male.
On my 40th birthday, I had a party in a pub that was 5 mins down the road. On the way home, my feet were in so much agony (from my stupid heels!), I sent my then boyfriend home to get my trainers whilst I perched on a wall. 3 women came out and asked if I was ok, did I need help, and they stood outside with me until my BF had come back with better shoes (I had explained the situation!) – I mean how amazing is that. Women surrounding me, to make sure I was safe, and didn’t get attacked by a man!
And if you are a ‘not all men’ man, ask yourself, how many times have you felt unsafe, worried about turning a man down, having to lie and say you have a boyfriend because they will respect a man more than your right to say no. If you are a #notallmen then for the love of god, stick with us females and call out the misogyny and harassment and help make the world a safer place.
And let’s take a moment to remember a female, who did nothing wrong, who just walked home and got attacked and murdered by a member of society that is there to supposedly keep us safe #RIPSarahEverard