Monthly Archives: May 2021

First official date……

So, now things have opened up, myself and Jump the Queue Guy (JTQG) went on ‘our first official date’. I mentioned in a previous blog how the pandemic has caused us to ‘date in reverse’ and I will admit to being apprehensive about dating after lockdown, would it be too comfortable, would the excitement not be there, would you feel ‘too domesticated’ too early? One of the fun parts about dating (under non-lockdown circumstances) is the unknown, the flutters, the nerves, wondering if you’ll get to a second date, it’s all part of it. But when you’ve been seeing someone for a few months, you are already comfortable, so what happens when you finally date?

JTQG and I have been in some sort of a ‘ship (call it what you will) since January, so we are now at a stage where we are really comfortable with each other, so I was always dubious if we (or indeed others in similar situations) would actually bother with the dating stage. I mean, would you both enter into ‘not necessary’ mode and click a takeaway app or would you want to go out in the big, wide, scary world? So it was really nice one evening, when he told me he had booked us a meal for 6pm on Tuesday and not to make other plans. The advantage of dating a chef (ooh, have I mentioned his profession before?!) is that they know the good places to eat and want to eat at them. So, we both wore nice clothes, did our hair, I put a bit of extra make up on and even wore a (shock, horror) heeled boot (actually I wore 2, one on each foot) and off we went. He also organised the taxi and when we got there, we chose what we wanted but he took control of the ordering and wine choice (however, I still felt my needs and wants were taken into consideration but I basically just had to turn up), so it already felt really nice.

I know the above seems a bit basic – ‘whaaaattt he booked it all?!?!’, but, how many times as a female, have you found yourself doing the booking, the ordering, the choosing, because if you don’t it won’t happen? Being the grateful person that I am, I asked if we could delay (covid anxiety and all that..) but it was booked up for a month so he just wanted to get us in, and well, quite frankly, I liked that decisiveness! (BTW it was all perfectly safe and covid compliant, he took that into consideration, knowing my anxiety – aww).

We ate tapas, drank wine, had good conversation and then went for some cocktails after (not a good idea on a school night but hey ho, here we are). After the meal, it did feel a bit strange not to be in our PJ’s, but we were determined to power through and we made it (just).

Here is the thing, it felt just the right amount of perfect, we were comfortable enough with each other to just be ourselves and relax, there were no awkward ‘so…..what music do you like’ moments and nor were there the ‘please don’t let me spill my food’ prayers, but equally, it was still exciting, it felt new and fresh and we could just have fun and laughed a lot! Now, I cannot tell if you if he came in for coffee or not, after all it was just our first date, so you will have to keep reading if you want to find out… ;_)

Can you spot the difference?

Can you spot the difference?

I can, and when I look there are minimal differences, like in those really annoying spot the difference puzzles! But, I can pick holes in both. This isn’t just about the aesthetic (I am fully aware I have privilege when it comes to ‘how a body should look’ and this is not about a cry for compliments), I can see it emotionally. TBF, figure wise, I prefer me, on the right, (probably because I conform more to societies standards of how ‘women should look’) but – oh boy, is that shit hard, it’s getting up at 5am, it’s lifting heavy, it’s coming home to a protein shake and eggs on toast, it’s then planning meticulously the food for the day….protein sausages, veg, snack on cucumber and protein cheese and so on. I am not saying there is anything particularly wrong with that but it’s when it becomes disordered it becomes a problem. Especially when you just want to faceplant a croissant (which interestingly has less calories than a bacon sandwich, but at least there is protein in the bacon 😉!)

Right now, I love my life, but I am in a place where I am struggling to get back into exercise, have put on a few pounds (which for me is very difficult to deal with), can’t seem to get back into a healthy routine and I don’t know if that’s lock down fever, happiness of breaking free, the pleasure of ‘Jump the Queue guy’ or just a general ennui.

I mean, I love eating real food and remembering what that tastes like (I haven’t decided if I should be happy or annoyed with Jump the Queue guy?!)  but I do also like to be healthy, only so I can give myself the best chance at life. But, as we all know, it’s balance, and I am not someone that does balance. But are any of us, really? Now, at the risk of sounding smug, I can have chocolate/sweets/biscuits etc. in my house and they will be there for months BUT put some wine in the fridge (not so smug now) and that baby will be gone in seconds.. wine is my weak spot in life!

It’s cliché, but I think I am just trying to discover who I am at the moment. I was always ill with my Ulcerative Colitis, then hospital, then operations, then I got better but had to live with a stoma bag, then a second op to sew up my bum (please ask any questions, I am not shy about answering!), then I just wanted some drama free years, I in no way regret my relationship but I am only now getting to know me and myself with the bag and what that means. Am I a 6 day a week gym going Sherrill, am I lazing on the sofa, eating pizza, drinking wine Sherrill or somewhere in-between? I have no idea at the moment, all I know is that I need to delete the food delivery apps and perhaps sign up to a greengrocer app or something? Or maybe just take my lazy arse out for a walk, but I shall keep you posted! 😉