Can you believe it has been 10 months since my life was so unconceivably altered and everything I knew was snatched away from me? It’s incredible how time passes and you get through it all. I mean, this time one year ago, I had no idea what was to come…..
But, I am finally in a place where I want to be, the life I had craved for so long, I am finally building and I have a sense of freedom that is quite frankly, liberating.
It has been a roller coaster to get here (and I am sure there will still be some bumps), grief is not linear, I didn’t process my grief in the beginning, it comes in waves, something will hit me, and I’ll feel it all over again. We can’t all just deal with it in a neat little 4 week period and then tuck it away in a compartment never to be dealt with again. It’s healthy to work through your feelings, however long that takes, to feel everything, no matter how hard, as when you come through, you come through a better and more healed person, open to so much more that life has to offer.
I had got quite insular in my past life, and rigid and restrictive and right now it is nice to live without constraints. I have been having the best time lately, making new friends, socialising more, working on my holiday business (https://www.instagram.com/champagnetravellifestyle/), blogging, I have my full time job, my family, ‘Jump the Queue Guy’ and of course Ms Binky Zazzles. I would like to add the gym is in there somewhere but that seems to have not happened yet!
The newer friends are people I have known a long time but haven’t actually been ‘out’ with, it has been really lovely and I have been having a great time, plus there are the established friendships. It feels so good to be getting out there. I think I have laughed more in the last two weeks than I have for ages. I know I am dating, but I feel that when we are thrust into the single world, we should be on the hunt for friends not romantic partners!
It is still going well with Jump the Queue guy and now we can go out and about we have had a few dates which has been so good. Plus, I am super excited as we actually have a few days leave together next week, our schedules are opposite so we haven’t had a whole day off together for so long! We just laugh all the time, we talk all sorts of rubbish, but just have fun and oh my paws (as binky would say) it is good to have fun. He is also very emotionally supportive, he understands my need to grieve sometimes and empathises with that. He also has my back which means a lot. We are in a really great place, and can you believe it’s been 6 months, (I only went on Tinder through boredom and for an ego boost, not to have my waistline increase because he’s a top-notch chef 😉).
But my biggest epiphany I guess was the realisation that I have absolutely no pressure for anything. I am happy living alone, I love my house, I am financially independent and working to enhance that. I don’t need to stay in a mediocre relationship because it’s better than being alone, or it’s ‘last chance saloon’, I can hop, skip and jump away, knowing I had a great time. (It’s ok JTQG is safe for now 😉!)
So, life is definitely on the up, up, up and I am finally heading towards the life I had dreamt for myself. I have said this before, and I won’t lie, but if it will be a huge hurdle to climb, change isn’t easy, it won’t be a breeze and sometimes it feels easier to stay stuck – but get your boots out the mud and march on – it will eventually be worth it.