Maybe there is, maybe there isn’t, I don’t think it is cut and dried. I think someone can be the love of your life but you’re not with them, for whatever reason.
A couple of years ago I went to the cinema to see ‘Bohemian Rhapsody’ when it came out, in the film Freddie sang ‘Love of my Life’, I don’t recall having heard the song before then, but when I heard that sweet melody, it made me cry. It doesn’t take much to make me cry at the best of times, so a sentimental song is bound to set me off. (I cry at the Dumbo song, I told you, it takes very little 😉)
A couple of years later, I had the most harrowing of break ups (read my previous blogs for that intel!) and it was, naturally hard, there have been so many grieving processes. But a few weeks ago, I was feeling really low (this will eventually pass but there are a lot of lows I have to process but I do also get a lot of highs), my ex was over and it came up in convo that I had watched BOHO and the song ‘Love of my Life’ came on and set me off and he said ‘oh, yeah I get it’ (as in he got why that got me, which just made me sad again – why? Because after a decade you know a person).
And it made me think, can someone, not in your life, be the love of your life? Maybe you’re not right for each other anymore and it is right you are not together but can they always be the love of your life? Or more importantly, can they have been a really important and special part of your life (not the love of) that can live on in your memories. If you are lucky, as I am, that person can remain in your life as someone special and you can carry those memories with you.
You need to know that you can go on to have other important and special relationships that mean something, be it fun, serious, romantic, a mix… You don’t have to define it, it just has to feel good and right in the moment. Just don’t try to fill a gap or a void, you know, your relationship ended, the house feels empty, so you get someone who can make you feel a little like you used to…. Don’t do that, it’s not healthy for either of you.
This is in no way a ‘I’m not over my ex’ post, far from it, it is knowing you can have this myriad of feelings, even 10 months down the line and it is ok, anything can trigger it, it has been a decade of togetherness that I need to process (alongside the total upheaval of my life as I knew it). If you are in a similar situation, know it is normal and ok.
I think the love of your life should be YOU (and in my case, my sister 😉). Don’t confuse utter fondness/love/desire for a soulmate. If you’ve got that, great, but you can have all those things with more than one person.
Make YOU the centre of your world, make YOU the love of your life, rely on YOU.