Up pops a Facebook ‘memory’ from one or two years ago. Picture of me in gym gear, or my apple watch stats, or some healthy plate of food with a caption – something along the lines of….’up at 5am, fasted cardio, great weights session, followed by healthy breakfast, all before 8am’. I would like to punch past me in the face and if you have felt a little like slapping smug Sherrill then I get it now!
Don’t get me wrong, it’s great to be healthy, to work out, to have goals, but why did I need to plaster it everywhere (clearly to show how smug I was 😉) as it’s only coming back to bite me on the bum….
Right now, I am what I call, Feral Sherrill, as since living alone, I have almost gone the other way. I have lost my mojo and motivation for exercise, a healthy food regime and a semblance of routine. At first, I gave myself a break, time to enjoy the freedom, but it’s 6 months later and I am still living like a 25-year-old. I can’t be arsed to cook, I don’t want to get up early, I can’t face exercise….Some days I have a sandwich for dinner, some times a takeaway, every now and then I eat a vegetable. Every week I tell myself it is going to change and yet here we are.
I am of course ‘finding myself’ again, determining who I really am and who I want to be. I had got myself into a place of rigidity, strict routine and heaviness that I forgot life was also to be enjoyed. I mean just the fact I had no idea what ‘real food’ tasted like anymore, shows just how many years I had become accustomed to substitutes and really healthy food – chicken sausages and protein cheese anyone? (Jump the Queue Guy, unsurprisingly, refuses it).
I am slowly, slowly finding my balance and I am sure it will all come, lots of people feel they too have lost their mojo, this pandemic has so much to answer for. I will get back to the gym and will find a (less restrictive) routine and will eat more than one vegetable a week, but these things take time and I am trying not to be harsh on myself.
When I do eventually make it through to the slightly less feral side then I vow to not keep posting smug posts but just enjoy it without the need to tell everyone, I am hoping I will find that elusive ‘balance’ but for now I am going to make the most of being ‘Feral Sherrill’ because quite frankly it is fun!