Category Archives: Funny

The art of trampolining…..

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Well really, I’m not sure there is any, but more on that later! 

So, last year, Mike and I went on our merry way to Kos, so determined was I to be buffed to perfection, confident and gorgeous, I spent the preceding months wearing myself out with gym visits, low carb meals, lots of walking and quite frankly abject misery! We arrived on holiday and I was ‘body confident’, I felt I had achieved what I wanted (for who? No idea on that one!) but spent the 11 days in a bit of a blue mood. It was like I had a heavy feeling in my soul that wouldn’t shift and I didn’t know why. We had it all, swim up room, champagne and extra leg room on the flight, waiter service round our pool, fab meals etc. etc. But the fog didn’t lift. I still had a great holiday but there was something missing.

About 3 months ago I stopped going to the gym, I just couldn’t face it, so thought perhaps I just needed a couple of weeks off, but yeah, I still haven’t gone back! What I have been doing is going to more of my sisters classes , where she invkokes an atmosphere of friendlyness and body positivity. She is encouraging, fun and supportive and all the fab women that attend are like minded – I LOVE IT! So, come rain or shine (and there had been a lot of shine) I have attended and even when it was boiling hot, I saved my refreshing soda (ahem, and vodka) for when I was home! 

The result has been a more confident me, I even ate (shock, horror) carbs and drank (a lot?) of wine and the result are the pics I post! I didn’t think I would feel good without the gym and a low carb diet but sitting by my swim up pool ( this is now non-negotiable 😂) not feeling irritated by people having fun (true story) I realise it because of this;

A support network of women who are all fabulous and have their own battles – an amazing sister who is working tirelessly to build up her business and help women to feel good – exercise I enjoy not just ‘feel I should do’ and the ability to eat ALL the carbs!! Oh yeah and trampolining – almost forgot…..

The most fun I’ve ever had whilst exercising – BOUNCEFIT – jumping on mini trampolines to fun music 🎶 doesn’t feel like work and yet it has kept me in good shape! Give it a go, have fun, be positive and feel the support 🙂 btw there is no art to it, just have to have fun!! 

Xx

Hiking through nature with a Lidl carrier bag……

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Yes that truly happened but before I get to that… 

Last week, Mike and I had a lovely week in Crete, same place we went last year so we knew what to expect. We booked another swim up room as I have decided I can’t possibly do public poolside again as it’s much better for my ostomy 😉 

There is a trip called the Samaria Gorge which we wanted to do last year but for one reason or another never made it. So, to ensure we did it this year we pre-booked before we went. It’s basically a 16km trek down a steep gorge but with the best views nature has to offer. It’s a long old day, but well worth it. You don’t need special walking gear, trainers will suffice and a bag to carry a few essentials. 


We decided one rucksack between us would be enough, we didn’t need much, a couple of towels for the swim in the sea at the end, suncream, plasters (a change of bag kit for me) plus a few other essentials I can’t go without (lipgloss, kindle, etc.!). We decided to order a packed lunch each from reception and expected a sandwich, piece of fruit and bottle of water each, what we actually got was a lot more and two large paper bags! So we decided to keep this in a lidl carrier bag!


Now you may be wondering why we happened to have a Lidl carrier bag in Crete? Well, the all inclusive package doesn’t serve sparkling wine (I know, it’s a shocking state of affairs) but there is a fridge in the room and a Lidl down the road. So a little daily walk ensued to Lidl to purchase some bubbly for me to sip poolside. Of course we had to purchase a carrier bag for my bottles. 

So back to the hike, we’re all prepared with our rucksack, dressed in shorts, vests and trainers and up at 5.30am to catch the coach at 6am. We board the coach and there are the obligatory stops to pick up other keen explorers. At one stop, a man and his wife got on and Mike said to me – ooh we’ve got a professional. So there’s this man with his hiking boots, fancy rucksack and walking poles and there’s us with our Lidl carrier bag! All I kept saying was “we can’t go hiking in the Samaria Gorge with a Lidl carrier bag!” 


After a bit of kerfuffle at the stop prior to the gorge due to some confusion over the money paid we were a bit delayed getting off, meanwhile, Mr Pro keeps shaking his head, obviously so keen is he to get off and be first to finish (so eager he didn’t even wait for his wife when we did eventually get going). We were dropped off at the top of the gorge ready for a very steep descent down a narrow and rocky pathway and in true Brit fashion, a few of us are moaning about the delay rather than admiring the scenery. I, however, as Mike had the rucksack, had the Lidl carrier bag and kept denouncing that ‘I can’t possibly hike with a Lidl carrier bag! (A few fellow hikers did find this rather amusing). “It’s slowing me down”,I proclaimed,”I’ll be quicker if we can get rid of it”. Mike thinks it was about 1km in, I am convinced it was more like 2km, when we stopped to eat a few supplies and tie the bag to the rucksack. As it happens, I didn’t speed up but it was a relief to not be hiking with that Lidl carrier bag anymore – now it was Mike’s responsibility. 


So we trekked through beautiful scenery, it really was breath taking and I would highly recommend it. It’s definitely tough, navigating streams, rocks, boulders and narrow pathways (and very questionable toilets) but well worth it. The whole of this trek done with a Lidl carrier bag tied to our rucksack. 


Finally, after about 5.5 hours we reached the end, full of euphoria, not because we’d finished but because we were finally able to store the Lidl carrier bag INSIDE the rucksack! 


Looking forward to a swim, we stopped for a bite to eat first (and a glass of wine of course) and went down to the beach. But the wind got up so it was a bit too chilly for a swim, so the towels we packed that took up room (hence the Lidl carrier bag) weren’t used, except they did come in handy when rather windswept we got onto the boat that was to take us to our coach and we deployed them as blankets. 


I would definitely recommend the Gorge if you’re ever in Crete and if you do it, maybe stow away a Lidl carrier bag just in case…….. 

Bollocks to the salad…

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Is what I thought a couple of weeks ago when I decided to try and lose a couple of pounds for my impending holiday.

A bit of background, the last couple of months at work have been hectic to say the least, I have probably been away more than I have been at home and have basically been living out of a hotel (does a Travelodge count as a hotel?!) and a suitcase. It’s really, really hard to maintain a healthy lifestyle  when you are away so much, I really do try but sometimes the urge to give into the wine or the chocolate after a long arsed day is too much.

With only a few weeks until my holiday I decided to take action and up the health and fitness regime to shift those additional pounds that crept on. I was still working away lots and before I knew it I had 17 days to go. I can do this I thought, I will just give up everything that is nice and fun and tasty until I go away, it’s easy, I can eat mainly salad and veg and not drink wine for 17 days. I lasted 5 days, (go me!) until my sister text to say they were having Pimms in the garden and I was invited! And then I just thought, bollocks to the salad, I cannot be arsed to keep depriving myself because I am 2-3 pounds heavier than I want to be.

In the few days before the lure of the Pimms, I was miserable, I was hungry and felt tired and cranky. I just couldn’t do it to myself anymore. I’m bored of feeling bad about myself because I had potatoes for dinner or a sandwich instead of a salad for lunch. I am bored of feeling like a rabbit because all I seem to do is crunch bloody crunch all day long. I am tired of exercising iron clad willpower when it comes to not eating a biscuit or a piece of chocolate (I am still waiting for that will power to come to the surface in the face of wine!). I am fed up of trying to haul myself out of bed every morning to spend an hour in the gym and feeling guilty when I don’t.

Don’t get me wrong, I live a healthy lifestyle and enjoy doing so, I want to give my body nourishment and strengthen it so it can deal with life’s curve-balls. But I don’t want to live a life of restriction that never includes a chocolate hobnob again.

I do not want to saute my broccoli, I don’t even know what sauteing is – isn’t it just a fancy word for frying?? I don’t want to eat kale and cous cous for lunch or to have to marinade my chicken for 4 hours for it to be tasty. That is why Marks and Spencer exists – so people like me can throw our veg in the microwave. I don’t like avocado and even if I did I wouldn’t want it for breakfast, I don’t want to snack on 5 almonds or take my Tupperware dish everywhere I go. So I said bollocks to it and decided that I would try to feel OK with the little extra padding and be happy instead. And weirdly enough, when  you stop stressing about food and let go a little bit your body rewards you with feeling better. I think my mum describes it perfectly –  I asked her what she had for her dinner one night and she replied with “a shit boring salad, I might just have fish and chips”!! Don’t get me wrong, I am not going to dive head first into a vat of donuts (no matter how much I want to) but I am just going to try and relax a little, maybe try thinking about my body in a positive manner instead of hating it. After all, it kept me alive during the most grueling of times and it now keeps me healthy, so I really ought to be grateful to it.

Tomorrow is the day I go away to sunny Crete and you know what, rather than stressing over my body not being the same as it was when I went away last year, I am going to enjoy the fact that I am able to go on holiday, that I can travel, that I can feel the sun on my face and make more memories with Mike, you know the important stuff. It’s a long process, trying to come to terms with your body, especially when you have an Ostomy, but I am going to really try. I have naturally ordered  champagne for my outward flight tomorrow and I may just raise a glass to my shit boring salad!!

 

Salad 2

Fitness – a journey

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I was at the London Marathon last week (cheering not running) and normally this is something I like to enjoy in bed, with a cup of tea and some toast. But, this year I went to cheer on our charity runners and it was a great day. I am always in awe of those people who can run 26 miles, it isn’t just the effort on the day it is the months of dedicated training too.

London Marathon

It got me thinking about my own health and fitness regime and what I do/don’t do. My goals have changed over the years, during illness it was all about just getting out of bed each day, post surgery it was about putting one foot in front of the other and getting a bit further each day. Then it became a matter of enjoying life whilst I was healthy so I didn’t worry too much about exercise or what to eat. Pre-operation number two, it was about preparing myself to be in as good as shape as possible, so a 10 week bootcamp ensued, post-op again, was about recovery and getting the right nutrients to aid healing and not gaining to much weight whilst sitting on my (now sewn up) arse! Roll on to April/May 2013 and the months of being at home/not exercising/eating too many puddings/the beginnings of domestic bliss with Mike took their toll and we had both gained weight. So then began a health and fitness regime of sorts to try and get in shape. I dappled in the gym, back at bootcamp, exercise classes and a bit of running and tried to stay away from puddings. 2014 I ran my first 10k, followed by two more and continued with some additional exercises. The first 10k was about a personal achievement, something I was able to do even  after all the trauma. Then it became about beating my time and getting better (which I did).

Christmas 2014 my sister bought me a personal training session at the gym she goes to, she recommended her trainer and suggested I try it. So in Jan 2015 I started at a new gym and got some coaching. From that moment on my fitness improved beyond doubt and is still improving today. I completed a couple more 10k’s in the summer but I now just concentrate on lifting weights and the odd interval session. I decided I really didn’t like running so why put myself through it. I actually don’t like the gym either but I like the results it brings! Through the training, I dropped some weight and have kept it off and I feel better than ever. Having a stoma can definitely knock your confidence and for me it was about discovering what I was capable of and what my body could be like. It’s hard to understand your natural weight when it has fluctuated for years due to illness/medication/operations. I am now in a place where I am happier with my body and still like to push it. I have never kept up this consistency before and I am really proud of myself.
Post gym
I want to be one of those people who bound out of bed at 6am to go the gym, or who gets excited because I am off to work out. The truth is, most of the time I have to drag myself there, I have to convince myself to go, sometimes I do get up early and go, but many a Saturday I have spent in bed weighing up the pro’s and cons before realizing whilst I was procrastinating I could have been to the gym and back again! But I go, I don’t let the fact I have a stoma stop me from doing so, there are loads of ‘ostomates’ out there who do all sorts, bodybuilding (This girl is amazing) these people compete in triathlons, 100 mile bike rides, marathons, in fact so much so I feel my gym effort is a bit paltry in comparison. But I will keep on doing it, because I love seeing my body get fitter and stronger, I love the satisfaction of lifting a heavier weight today than yesterday and most of all I love the fact that it has given me the ability to walk up hill, whilst wearing heels, to the train station with a heavy suitcase plus walk up and down a set of stairs with said suitcase plus a handbag in one had and a cup of tea in the other (it was too early for wine ;)!), whilst heaving the suitcase of the ground to get up the stairs! A small girl who was with her mum at the time was most in awe of my ability to do this and told me so – how fab is that!

early gym

An honest account of a woman without children

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I decided to write this as my sister tagged me in a great post today about celebrity women who don’t have children and their ‘quotes’ about the situation. (Read it here Here). It got me thinking, I have touched on this before but it is a subject that never really goes away. So I thought I would write about my situation.
I don’t have children, I never wanted them either, I was quite sure about that decision  but I definitely felt a pressure from society to have them. It’s as though my desire to stay child free means I am lacking in someway as a woman. By the time I hit my 30’s I was so god damn Ill with the bloody ulcerative colitis that children were the last thing on my mind. I remember a surgeon worrying about sending me for yet another X-ray as the radiation can affect fertility and I told him not to worry I had been through enough pain I wouldn’t be having a child!!!  
Of course health became more important, better to live a life without children and be healthy than constantly ill (or dead) but with a brood of toddlers. The operations I have had can affect fertility, and in particular the 2nd operation to make my stoma permanent (they remove the rectum completely), they prefer to do after you’ve had your children. But I didn’t have the choice to wait until I had or hadn’t completed my family, I needed the op. My surgeon did say everything looked perfect down there (I’d expect nothing less) but until the point comes of trying for a baby I won’t know if my fertility has been affected or not. 
I am now in a great relationship and who knows whether children will become part of our lives (through choice or not) but I do know the only pressure I feel is that of society. I am 36 so I think that means I only have 3 eggs left, I’ll be an older mum, I don’t want to regret not having them, they give you so much joy and pleasure etc. etc. 
I love that women are becoming more honest about what hard work children are, but of course that’s really scary for us in the undecided camp. Yes everyone says the rewards outweigh the not so good, but do they?? I love sleep, more than anything, I’m not sure I will ever ‘get used’ to 3 hours a night or being jumped in in the morning at 7am, or having to do stuff when I just want to watch tv. 
I like only having to worry about sorting out myself and I won’t apologise for the fact even if it sounds selfish. I like leaving the house when I want, going out for dinner, spending my money on me, having my hair and nails done and taking spa days and holidays. 
Of course there are times when my heart breaks a little at the fact I don’t have children. I see the cute little chubby babies and my heart melts, I see parents talking about the bond, the love they feel & the great times they have with their children. My heart breaks a little when I see the relationship my sister has with her daughter, they are really close and have a kind of secret language & special bond, the sort my sister and I used to have, that’s slowly being taken over by her own daughter. My heart breaks a little when I see all the mums so pleased with their little homemade gifts and cards on Mother’s Day. Yes to be child free has so far been my choice but it doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt sometimes or tug at my heart strings when I wonder if it’s something I’ll have (or want). Maybe if illness & operations hadn’t got in the way, life would be different, but those things did happen so now I have to deal with it. 
I am also a little obsessed with ‘one more holiday’ before children (apparently you can still go on holiday with children but I’m not sure it’s ok to drink from midday to midnight if you do!). I’m not sure I’ll ever have enough adult holidays!! 
Both my partner and I are very nurturing, we look after each other really well and we have our two little fur babies who we love dearly, but as they are young cats, we can leave them while we go out/go away, I’m not sure that’s acceptable when you have children!
So, my reasons for not having children aren’t cut and dried, just because I haven’t had the longing doesn’t mean I don’t get the heart tug, and just because I love living my life as it is it doesn’t mean I am missing out by not having mini me’s (although how can I deprive this world of another me!!). Some women just don’t have children and that is ok, whatever their reason may be, just please don’t ask every childless woman when she’ll be having babies, it’s not always that simple. 

P.S this kid free bingo made me chuckle, have a glass of champagne for each square, after all you don’t have to get up tomorrow!! 😉 Kid free bingo

Certain events ( and of course the impending New Year) have brought question to my mind about friendships and what they really mean. Some of us have loads of friends, big groups of them, friends for every occasion and in every corner of the globe. Some of us have just one group of friends, friends that were formed at School or University and have stayed with us. And some of us have a few select friends or friend that come and go as life changes.
What matters is not the number of friends you have but the meaning of those friendships. In the days of social media it’s all about ‘friends’, ‘fans’ and ‘followers’ that I think it is easy to forget what true friendship really means. It’s easy to post a status and get ‘100 likes’ or several positive/sympathetic/advising/inquisitive (delete as appropriate) comments that our egos are fed and we feel popular (or unpopular when a status only gets 1 like, if you’re lucky!) But it isn’t necessarily a good thing, who knows if the comments are genuine or for show and we shouldn’t get fooled or measure our worth on social media ‘friends’.
A lot of people agree a true friend is someone you may not see or speak to for months, but when you get together it is like you have never been apart, or you know they would be there for you in an instant if you needed them. My friend Lisa is exactly one of these types of friends. We’ve known each other since we were 2 and have always been friends. I think it is easy to remain friends with people because they have just always been in your life regardless of if they should really be there or not. But Lisa needs to be in my life, I can’t imagine not having her there! We hardly see each other, yet we live round the corner from one another, we are always saying we should catch up, yet neither of us makes the effort! I guess we are both a little lazy and maybe we just take for granted that we will just be there. But I would rather have someone like Lisa in my life than a dozen acquaintances that I didn’t feel secure with. When I was ill in hospital , Lisa was always there, even though we hadn’t seen each other for ages, she helped me clean my teeth when Mike was coming to see me, she brought me jelly babies round when she knew I needed to eat them (I promise that is genuine!) and we gossiped over our love of strong Ribena!
When we were younger, we used to see each other every weekend until we both got bored and said we didn’t want to spend as much time with each other, neither of us got annoyed, we just somehow knew it was needed. Approximately 3 years later, I went on holiday to France with her and parents, even though we hadn’t spent much of the previous years together but it was like we hadn’t been apart!
When you have a debilitating and often invisible illness it can be incredibly isolating, you don’t always tell people you have it and many people just don’t understand. It is not their fault but people cannot understand that you are actually really ill, yet managing to hold down a job and function day to day. They don’t understand when you don’t want to or can’t go out, or that you are not being lazy you just really, really need to sleep. It is also hard to form friendships or even keep them when you are so consumed with ill health, it sometimes seems as though you are being selfish or self-centred but actually it is self-preservation and just trying to get through the days the best way you can.
So for me, having been through what I have been through, the friends I have are more precious to me as they are the ones that have been there with me, have seen the tough days and know what I went through.
They are the girls of the world, like Hayley, who kept my job going for me and has been in my life since, Ivana, who despite losing her own mum in 2010 whilst I was in hospital, never stopped being there for me, endless hospital and home visits to see me & far too many M&S biscuits! Plus not forgetting the girls who I have a great time with (the Butlins babes to name a few!) who completely understand about my ostomy bag and still listen to me talk about it even though they have heard it 1000 times!
Then possibly the most precious of all (apart from Mum of course!) is the lasting friendship I have with my sister. No-one can possibly replace that bond that close sisters have, no-one is ever the same and the best times in life are those spent with her. It would have been very easy not to have made other friendships as at times it felt like we didn’t need anyone else but each other. But those other friendships, whether friends with Leanne first or friends with me first, have just enhanced our times together and given us more precious memories. It’s a bit of a shame as we don’t spend as much time together as we used to and I miss that more than anything. We used to phone & text each other constantly, see each other every weekend and were always out together and that doesn’t happen as much these days and I miss it. But, we both have boyfriends and full time jobs and we live in different towns (this is much worse than you can imagine) so things change, but one thing that will never change is that we will always be best friends.
To me, it doesn’t matter how many friends you have (and I am sorry to the friends I have not mentioned, you are not forgotten) but what those friends mean. It is ok to have friends that you know wouldn’t really be there for you or that you know may not be in your life for ever, but for now they make a good Friday night drinking buddy, or love knitting as much as you do, or can get you a discount at Karen Millen!
But if you have just one or two friends that you genuinely know would drop everything for you and be to you in a heartbeat if your life got turned upside down, then you are richer and more fulfilled than anyone! And I am lucky and blessed because I do have those friends and a bonus friend in my sister and not many people can say they have a bonus friend!

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When did my ovaries and marital status become public property?

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I am an odd human being, you see, I am in my 30’s (been in them a while) and I do not have children and nor am I married and this seems to warrant much bewilderment among, well, everyone. It seems it is very unusual indeed to be this person, I don’t think it is, but the way people act you would think that it is as unusual as an Alien landing on Earth. I have a boyfriend and we live together but it seems this isn’t enough in the world of people. I am sure there are many women out there who can relate to this, but I am ALWAYS being asked, ‘when are you getting married?’, ‘do you want to get married?’, ‘do you think he will propose?’ ‘does he want to get married?’ ‘do you think you will have children’ ‘do you want children’…..you get the picture.

Of course it isn’t just me that suffers with these questions, married women without children are asked the child question, married women with 1 child are asked if they want more children, pregnant women are asked when the next one will be. Men do not have this problem, men talk to men about football and boobs and computers. Have you ever seen a man get into conversation with another man and ask him, ‘so then mate, when you having children?’. I am not saying it doesn’t happen but certainly not as frequently as it does for us women.

It seems that you hit your 30’s (I don’t remember it being a frequent problem in my 20’s) and your ovaries are suddenly everyone else’s business. Why do complete strangers feel it is ok to question my marriage and child preferences? Those who have read my blog or who know me, will know that I am not a secretive person, I am very open, perhaps a bit too much sometimes. I would love to be one of those mysterious types, the sort of person others find intriguing because I am such an unknown entity, but sadly I just like to reveal stuff about myself whether or not people want to know!

I am not saying I am completely innocent, I have probably been guilty of asking women myself in the past, but since I have been the subject of much interrogation I am very aware of it and do not ask unless it seems it is appropriate. Plus, who knows what a woman may be going through, how do you know she isn’t trying for a baby but is having difficulty conceiving, bringing up the subject could cause a great deal of upset and hurt.

But what baffles me the most is people’s incessant desire to know such things, is it because they are a bit stressed with their brood and want you to be too, or are they indescribably happy and want you to have the same happiness, or are they just plain nosy? Whatever it is, it drives me crazy and I don’t know what the fascination is. It just seems that unless you are married with two children over the age of 5 you are not immune to the questioning on marriage and children.

What I will say is that I am not married (or engaged, noooo of course this doesn’t bother me ;)! ), but it also means I am not saving for a wedding and can instead spend my money on shoes, clothes and lovely holidays. I will also say that currently I do not have children which means that I can have lovely lie-ins, I can go on holiday on a whim (I would never do that, I can only cope with planned spontaneity, but I could if I wanted!) I can go out to dinner any day of the week without planning it, instead of buying toys I can buy more shoes and clothes and best of all I can drink my beloved bubbly any day of the week if I want to and if I have a hangover, the day is all mine!

Marriage

Woooo I did it!

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That was the 10K run on Sunday, where Mike and I ran for Beating Bowel Cancer in the Run to the Beat event in Wembley. It was our second 10k of the year, which in itself is shocking, as I never even thought I would do one, let alone 2 but it was a good goal to work towards. Now, I certainly wasn’t as fit or in as good shape as I was for our Bupa 10k, the training kind of fell by the wayside over Summer as I preferred to drink bubbly in the garden than go out and exercise, but I was pretty confident I could run the course.

That was until we received the race pack only to find out the course had some hilly parts, I was actually relying on a nice flat course thinking this would get me round quicker, but nope, wonderful hills awaited us. But still, I thought I could still run the 10k with hills, if a little slower.

On the Friday and Saturday before race day I had been to Surrey for work, so lots of travelling and walking (you can see the excuses forming!) and no time for short training runs. On race day, we were up at 5.30am to ensure we could get to Wembley in time. A quick banana and some water en route and we’re raring to go. A quick toilet stop for me (all Portaloos) only to discover my bag had leaked, this is a fairly rare occurrence, stoma appliances are pretty good and tend to be quite hardy. However, every now and then a leak happens and you just have to deal with it as best you can. Always having a change of bags and a clean pair of knickers on your person is usually a good idea (a clean pair of knickers is never a bad idea even if you don’t have a stoma, that and a toothbrush, you just never know!). Fortunately I had caught the leak before it got too bad and had a change of bag. Changing my bag in a Portaloo toilet is not something I wish to experience again, not particularly easy but I managed. I think it affected me psychologically though and something seemed to switch mentally despite my positive pep talk to myself. I also had a foot injury from a run the week before but was determined to run anyway as it didn’t feel that bad.

So, the race starts and we’re away, Mike is in a different group to me (the faster ones!) so I know he is well away before I have started. I did the first 1k ok, as it was all downhill and then it all just went horribly wrong. I had a stitch, I had to stop at 5k for first aid because my toes were covered in blood, I would like to be dramatic and say it was a huge gash in my toes caused by fast running but it was just a tiny cut that bled a lot! Then after that point it seemed to be all uphill, horrible steep mountains which just felt impossible. But I hobbled, jogged & walked and eventually got round. Perhaps if someone had yelled that there was a bottle of champagne at the finish line I may have got a sprint on, but it was just a few cheerers trying to encourage us slow ones (it’s a bit embarrassing) across the finish line. But at least I can say ‘Wooooo I did it!’

Mike did incredibly well, me, not so good, but I was determined to finish the course no matter what. I actually hated every minute of it but I think I may do it again next year, just to improve my time (which won’t be hard) and because it will also seem like a good idea at the time.

You will be relieved to hear that the champagne came out upon arriving home, followed by a very delicious burger, so all was not lost. Now, I have 7 weeks until the next 10K, and I am DETERMINED to do this one well!

homer

The running bug hasn’t quite caught me yet..

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I am participating in my second 10k event this Sunday, which isn’t bad for someone, who until this year, had barely taken a brisk walk, let alone a run. However, I did it (just check out my previous blogs) and I have decided to do another one. This time it is Run to the Beat in Wembley, apparently there is a hill in the route, I was rather banking on a flat course as, let’s face it, it is much less traumatic to have a continuous flat path.

I am in nowhere near as good shape as I was back in May and have let the running slide somewhat. After getting back from holiday in June, I spent weeks thinking about getting back to it but decided a cold glass of bubbly in the garden was a much more inviting idea. So I signed up for another 10k to get me motivated again. Everyone says that you get the running bug, especially after your first event, so why I am still waiting to catch it? So, I have also signed up to a local 10K at the start of November, I figure having another one to do will keep me out running and prevent me from lazing on the sofa. It will be 3 in total this year which is a great achievement for me. Mike is also running both of these too but he is much more motivated and sporty than me.

You may think that I must have caught the running bug to have signed up to a further two 10K’s but I really haven’t. I don’t particularly enjoy running and I am not really that good at it, so why am I doing it? I think I am still hoping I may catch that elusive bug, but it also goes hand in hand with my continuous diet and desire to lose weight. Even though I dislike it and I pant and puff my way around and want to stop at every moment, I do feel good when I’ve done it, I like the achievement of having improved my time or had a run that didn’t feel like I was going to die at every moment. Sometimes, it’s just enough to know I have overtaken the walking people.

For now, I will aim to my complete my next 10k as fast as I can (hills pending) and will let you know how I get on and if the running bug manages to catch me.

Running

 

The dating game………..Part 1

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The dating game is a tricky one and especially hard when you have something that makes you feel ‘less normal’, like an ostomy bag. I see quite often people asking the question about dating and when is it right to tell someone you have a bag or are suffering with an IBD such as Colitis or Crohns. The truth is that there is no right time, it is all down to individual circumstances and what feels okay for you.

I really won’t recount all of my dating stories as it may take an age and whilst I love to tell them, I am not sure my boyfriend Mike will want to read it in all its detail! Whatever our situation, we all have the horror dating stories and have all been through the mill when single but who would be without them? They are great to recount over a glass of wine with the girls, they hold funny memories and also make you realise what you don’t want out of a relationship! For example, there was the guy I dated who was a bit like eeyore, his chat wasn’t exactly lively and everything had a bit of a depressing tone to it, apparently he had a great time though as he wanted to see me again – I dread to think what he would’ve been like on a down day! Then the time I went on a date with a guy who worked at the gym I attended, after I told him I didn’t see the relationship progressing, he never spoke to me again – bit awkward when I would bump into him there, I thought I was taking the mature approach. Then there are the dates that should never turn into second dates but somehow do as you find yourself agreeing to it and then running out of excuses to use! I think my worst date was with a guy who was ever so persistent so I thought I would give him the benefit of the doubt and go out with him. Oh, it was awful, he was so boring and I really had no interest in him, as we were stood chatting I was practically sitting in the plant pot to get away from him. To get out of the date I said I was meeting my parents in a bar, he didn’t mind, he came with me (why??) so eventually I told him I had to meet friends at a different bar, this was so I could go home without him realising, however, said bar was in opposite direction to my home and he watched me go so I had to walk down to the pub anyway all by myself!

dates

So anyway, I digress but as you can see there have been some bad dates but there have also been some great ones along the way! But when it came to relationships (pre-Ostomy), telling them about my colitis was never something that featured, after all it was part of me but it didn’t define me and I saw no reason to tell them in the early stages. Sometimes I would be forced into it, such as being hospitalized 3 months into a relationship, kind of forces your hand a bit! As anyone with an IBD will know, mornings are the worst – it is like an explosion, anyone outside your bathroom may think there was a thunderstorm going on whilst trumpets play! It is horrendous. So trying to deal with that in a new relationship is awful, us girls do not like our men to think we use the toilet at the start of relationships, even going for a wee can be difficult, after all, what if they hear us and realise we are humans and not the non-toilet goddesses we have portrayed? Don’t even get me started on blowing my nose too! Having a poo is something we certainly don’t do in a new relationship, we will wait until we get home, or perhaps use a pub toilet if desperate (public places aren’t great but better than the boyfriends house) and as we exit, having been longer than may be appropriate for just a wee, we can use the excuse that we were on the phone! Men do not have this problem, someone I know (no names, she knows who she is) had a boyfriend, who gaily went off the toilet, newspaper in hand, and this was at the start of the relationship!! Bet men don’t agonise about when and where to go – they just go, and some are proud of the fact!

So, this situation is 100 times worse when you have IBD, there is no holding it in, no waiting until you get home, you need to go and you need to go now or there will be blood on the floor (and sometimes more).I have been in a relationship where there the toilet and bathroom are one room, this is the best situation – you can turn on the shower, poo in peace, safe in the knowledge he will be thinking you just have really long showers (actually, I am not sure a man would sit there and think about that), or run the tap if you have already showered to disguise any noise. Sometimes it just becomes easier to tell a person you have this condition and what can happen, it’s an embarrassing tale to tell as we are all a bit shy when it comes to talk of poo but it makes it easier for yourself in the long run.

I have a wonderful boyfriend called Mike, he is handsome, kind, loving and all other sorts of nice things and we have been together just over 3 years. Three years ago was my worst ever flare that led to my month long hospital stay which ended in my emergency surgery and my bag. I didn’t tell Mike about my Colitis until date 3, (dates 1 & 2 consisted of me barely eating and just praying that my intestines behaved). Mike mentioned about staying the night at some point, but given that I was in an awful flare I just couldn’t bear the thought of staying over at someone’s house. I decided to be honest with him rather than try and make excuses as to why sleepovers (separate bedrooms of course) were out of the question for the foreseeable future. It was a good job I did as a week later I was really, really ill and my whole nightmare began. We had a few dates in hospital, obviously I am such hot stuff in my moo cow pyjamas, attached to a drip or two with ever shrinking boobs and sticky up hair that Mike just couldn’t resist the lure of seeing me 😉 But as is to be expected, starting and maintaining a relationship whilst in hospital/recovering is difficult, so we kept in touch but nothing really happened for a couple of months.
So I was left in a situation of being ‘back on the market’ but now I had an ostomy bag to contend with, I also wasn’t sure if things were finished with Mike and I as I still felt it had potential, and I was sure once he saw me out of my pyjamas he might realise I was much better! I wasn’t going to stop myself from maybe meeting someone else but I also wanted to decide how I felt about things with Mike so I needed to give myself time. After a period of recovery, I was ready to hit the town again and so my sister and I would get glammed up and off we’d go. Then there came a point where Mike and I were seeing each other, but it was all very casual, you could say it was ‘complicated’ as Facebook would refer to it. I didn’t want to be unfaithful but then again didn’t know if I had anything to be unfaithful about. Honestly, life is far easier if you’re just honest and ask questions, but why would we be truthful and open when we can weave a complicated scenario for ourselves?! Anyway, back to dating, men may have chatted me up or made advances, shall we say, and this is going to sound awful but I would tell them I had an Ostomy bag thinking it would put them off and you know what – not once did it ever put a guy off, in fact the response would usually be ‘it doesn’t matter’ or ‘oh, so how does that work then?’, definitely not the responses I was expecting and so different avoidance tactics had to be employed!

I am not saying that some people wouldn’t be put off by it, I have not experienced that, and of course, if they were they weren’t worth it in the first place but it is not something you should worry about hiding. Don’t let it define you, have a date or two before telling them, but if it happened to come up naturally earlier on, then fine. It is whatever you are comfortable with. It’s a scary thought; after all, there is a natural feeling of thinking you could be setting yourself up for rejection, but better to find out early on. If someone is put off by it, it is a reflection on them not you, and that is true with dating anyone, illness or not. Mike has never really known me without the bag and it doesn’t bother him one bit, we are both used to it now.

And if I was single I would still go out with as much determination and gusto as before, the bag wouldn’t stop me at all, it hasn’t stopped me in any other area so why that one? Whatever your situation, if you are single, embrace it, enjoy it – even the bad dates, take them as experience, something to giggle about, but know that you are fabulous and someone else will think so too. And really, be honest, tell them you’re not interested even if they end up never talking to you again – it’s easier in the long run!

fish